This week I had to go on a short business trip to the UK, which means about an 8 hour flight both ways. I usually don't mind it, I've done it so may times that I've pretty much got used to it. This time however? It was a total different story and if I had to spend another minute on the plane they would have dragged me out unconscious and mumbling crazy things about how I didn't mean to kill the kid but he was asking me to do it.
BOTH WAYS.
The flight over there was a nightmare, or so I thought. I had no idea how worse it could be. I had this nice little family sitting on the row behind me with their two boys, maybe 5 and 3. The youngest one was sitting on his mother, right behind me and he just wouldn't stop messing with the seat in front of him, i.e. my seat. Punching it, kicking it, pulling at it, and there I was sitting in my seat feeling like I was on a ship sailing on stormy seas. At one point I was starting to feel nauseated and if I was going to throw up I would have liked to turn around and do it on that kid. Fortunately for the kid and his mother no such thing happened though. The good thing about it all? You wouldn't hear the kid whine or cry or anything like that, he was as good as a pea playing with toys and talking to his parents about their trip, it actually sounded really cute and that's probably what kept me from hating him. Finally he slept and I was so relieved, for all but half an hour ! I felt like telling him kid you got a long way to go don't you think you should consider sleeping a bit longer?? It didn't seem so. Lets just say that when the plane landed and they opened the door I was out in the blink of an eye.
The flight back home, now that is a real nightmare. Out of sheer luck I had another cute family sitting in the row behind me, again with two boys, this time around 2 and a baby just a few months old. What do you think the 2 year old did as soon as he was buckled up on his mother? Start kicking and pulling at the seat of course ! A couple of minutes in and I was thinking why oh why did they have to be placed behind me? Why couldn't someone else enjoy such a lovely experience on their flight? But wait that's not what made the flight a nightmare. It's the 8 hours of whining and begging from the 2 year old and wailing and screaming from the baby which made everything so darn frustrating and made my flight three days before seem like a breeze. Seriously, don't kids get tired at all? And that baby, his throat must have been burning by the end of the flight, I'm surprised he could still make noises with his mouth. I thank God for my iPod in times like these, it let me sleep when the kid wasn't wrestling with my seat. The two guys sitting near me were huffing and puffing, I thought one of them was going to turn around and wrangle those kids any minute. Now I'm not the kind of person that would turn around and say anything to the parents, because really what can they do, I actually felt sorry for them because it must have been even worse for them. I wouldn't like to imagine what a trip with two small kids would be like. One lady thought differently though, and she wasn't sitting near enough for the wailing to get into her head, but she went up to the parents and went tsk tsk tsk you young parents don't know how to control your kids. When I heard her I thought whattt?? Would anyone really think of doing that? It's not like the parents where enjoying it all and as irritated as I was I still thought that was uncalled for. Who was she kidding? I seriously felt like telling her to shut up and go back to her seat.
The Concept
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker.
The Questions
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your Flickr name
Neato?
The energy and craziness that filled my brain a little more than a month ago is starting to tone down a bit, phew. I'm not back to my old self where I did absolutely nothing and just had no motivation, but I think I'm in the normal range where you do what you need to, have fun and go to bed at night feeling that it was a productive day. At work things are moving on nicely and I've decided that I'm going to stick around for now, which is good and I don't have all these uncertainties which seemed to eat me up.
I still love cooking, that is one thing that has stuck. I have lost interest in taking pics of the food I cook though because I'm just crap at it so I end up with a pic that doesn't do the food any justice, which sucks really because the food would be awesome. I also have given up doing a laptop lunch everyday for work. While the idea was great and I was liking the fact that I was eating somewhat healthy, I say somewhat because I can't go without having some type of candy during the day, nope that's impossible for me, but I thought it was time consuming and instead of making a laptop lunch I throw the food in the first container I find and keep a stash of random snacks at work. Although not as healthy, because I have cut down on the fruit for example, it is working so I'm not going to worry about that and it's still way better than the junk food I used to eat everyday at work.
The other day I went over to my friend Rachel, which had another friend over, Heather. While there Heather was on the computer playing Neopets, and I said man I used to play that ages ago. At that instant she was like OMG why don't you play it anymore it's the coolest thing on the internet. I used to play it when I was 16 or something like that and eventually lost interest in it, partly because i didn't have time to play it anymore, and she managed to get me to play again. I had to make a new account because I totally forgot the password and what email address I signed up, and I ended up playing Neopets again, see me here. The site changed so much I don't even recognize it. Now in the evenings you can find me on there making Neopoints to try and make my pets leet again, and trying to figure it out all again. I might be getting hooked on it again, pooh on Heather. Meet Bjorn86 and Pizu60.
Right now I am planning a vacation in September. Most likely it's going to be a trip to Amsterdam, Holland, to start my attempt at touring around Europe. I'm actually really excited about this and can't wait ! I want to plan everything right, that's the part of me that needs to have everything planned out speaking, so I'm looking at all the places to visit while I'm there. It's fun planning a trip !
This last week I have been wondering, wondering where I am headed to. All the shit that's been happening at work, it kind of threw me off track and I'm left wondering what I should be doing next. It turned out that talking to my manager was a good idea in fact and things actually have started to change, in less than a week ! I never expected him to agree with me on everything I brought up but he did and told me that I was absolutely right. What the heck? If you know about these issues already then why are you keep doing it? Do you really need someone to tell you before you actually do something? So I went in strong and ready to fight for my point, and I got an apology instead. I was astounded because lets just say it's not the behavior I was expecting. So far so good.
For some reason though I still feel like I don't know if I want to stay or look elsewhere. They blew my fuse and every morning I wonder what I'm still doing here. A colleague of mine, that doesn't know anything about my situation, told me that you shouldn't get attached to your job, just go in 9 to 5, do your job and when it's time to get out forget about it. I always thought there was more than that to a job. I'm committed to my job, I put in more time when there's that need, I go home and get on email and do work things and I travel nearly once a month to our office in UK. I would expect that all that would gain you some respect and recognition, but I'm starting to have doubts if any of that really matters, and if indeed you should treat it as a job that you do from 9 to 5 and that's it nothing more.
I am relatively young and still a baby in the work field. I've had experience with one other company and that was only for a few months. I still have so much to learn and I'm scared shitless of doing the wrong move. I need some direction, all this thinking I'm doing about this is distracting me from doing anything else because that's how I am, before I settle a situation and I'm sure of what I'm doing I won't be able to rest. I hate the way I am sometimes, some people just seem like they don't care about anything and are able to take risks without knowing what the outcome will be but I am so not able to do that.
I always see these things on blogs which I figured are called Meme. I like to read them and see what I would answer, so I decided to post on my blog if I see one that I like. Kinda cheesy? I've been seeing this one on quite a few blogs so I'm giving it a shot.
1) The phone rings. Who are you hoping it is?
My brother to tell me he's coming over, I love that kid.
2) When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Oh yes every time, I hate it when people don't.
3) In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Definitely a listener. I don't talk much when I'm around new people but once I get to know them it's fine. In any case I'm more of a listener though.
4) If abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
I really don't know. I would panic and be scared for sure. I'm quite the survivor but in the wilderness, that would be different.
5) Do you like to ride horses?
I never rode a horse in my entire life and I would love to. I think I would like it.
6) Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
No I never did. I always thought it would be fun though.
7) What was your favorite board game as a kid?
I loved board games when I was kid. My favorite were Scrabble and Monopoly. I also had this board game called Cops and Robbers that I liked.
8) If a sexy person was pursuing you but you knew he/she was taken, what would you do?
I don't think I would take that in consideration. If they were pursuing someone while they're taken then something must be wrong, right?
9) Would you date someone with different religious beliefs?
I don't think I would mind. I'm not a religious person at all so it wouldn't make much difference. Unless they had some extreme beliefs which I didn't agree on.
10) Are you continuing your education?
Not at the moment, but I hope I will one day.
11) Do you know how to shoot a gun?
No, I'd like to learn though, just for fun.
12) If the house was on fire, what's the first thing you'd grab?
Oh my I don't know I would probably try to grab as much things as I can.
13) How often do you read books?
I'm always reading books, I try to read every night.
14) Do you think more about the past, present or future?
I think a lot about the future. In fact everything I do I'm thinking about the future and how what I do will affect it.
15) What is your favorite children's book?
I don't really remember, I know I had a shitload of books and I'm surprised I can't remember any of them right now.
16) How tall are you?
Short, some 5'3".
17) Where is your ideal house located?
My ideal house will have to be big and in some poshy area of town. I want to move to California one day.
18) Last person you talked to?
My mother, she came over for a 'lil.
19) When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
Can you believe that I've never been to Olive Garden??
20) What are the keys on your key chain for?
My car key, house key and FOB for work.
21) What did you do last night?
I stayed in and watched TV.
22) Where is your current pain at the moment?
Pain? I don't have any pain.
23) Do you like mustard?
Yes ! I love it with pork, yum.
24) Do you like your Mom or Dad?
I haven't seen my dad in a long time, it must be nearly 10 years now. I don't really like him either, it's probably best if I don't see him. I love my mom, don't know what I would do without her. We argue and fight sometimes, but we just can't live without each other.
25) How long does it take you in the shower?
About 20 minutes or so usually. Unless I'm in a hurry.
26) What movie do you want to see right now?
The Kite Runner. I'm just reading the book and I'm loving it, so I want to see the movie next.
27) Do you put lotion on your dog or cats?
Not usually no. The only time I put lotion on my dog was when he got this allergy and the vet gave me a lotion for it.
28) What did you do for New Years?
I went to a party at a friend's house. It was a small party with just a few friends, but it was fun.
29) Do you think The Grudge was scary?
I haven't seen The Grudge yet, that might be a movie to watch soon.
30) Do you own a camera phone?
Yes my cell phone has a 3.2MP camera, it's pretty good for a camera phone.
31) What is the last letter of your middle name?
A, I know I have so many As in my name.
32) Who did you vote for on American Idol?
I didn't vote, ha !
Right now I feel confused and I don't know what to think. I've been at my job for nearly two years and I have always loved it. It was challenging, exciting and I was learning new things all the time. Every day was different and after a day at work I went home feeling satisfied and happy that I have this job. So the fact that for the past weeks I haven't been feeling anything like that is bothering me a little, or a lot. I go to work every morning thinking ugh I have 8 more hours in here how am I going to survive?? Nothing is fun about it anymore and everything just seems so boring. The people in my team are ok, but sometimes I just feel out of place, like I don't belong in this team. I hate feeling this way, because I used to love my job and can't really understand how I ended up in this situation. Things have changed so much, and I don't even want to talk about how people act in this team. I used to be in a team with some awesome people, I still work with these people but we are not part of the same team, and that's mostly the thing that's keeping me from just plain quitting. I don't like working in such a competitive environment where people just do things to get credit for it and have their name up there, who gives a shit about the rest? I used to be in a team where we all worked together, worked hard to make sure we excelled at our job and had fun doing it. Now it doesn't matter if you do a crappy job, its more important if you finish 5 shitty tasks than finish 3 good quality tasks, because the person that does the 5 tasks is going to be patted on the back and everyone else is going to be told see that's how we need to be? And when I hear something like that I'm thinking excuse me?? You mean that we'd rather finish a million shitty tasks than actually concentrating on doing things right? Because I can do that very easily but what the heck? Sometimes I can't even believe that this is the same company that I joined nearly two years ago. Yesterday I was so fed up with everything that I updated my résumé and was looking at job vacancies. Today I was thinking, why was I even thinking about that? My problem is that I keep thinking that things may change again and one minute I want to run away from that place and the next I think it's not really that bad if you learn to deal with it. But how do you know when it's time to move on? Is it normal to have doubts about your job? If you feel that nobody appreciates anything you do anymore, is that a good enough reason to start looking elsewhere? If it is then why am I not certain that it's time to find something new, somewhere when I can be happy with my job again and don't have any doubts about it? Should you try to voice concerns such as these to your manager, or is it best not to? It's so frustrating having all these questions and nobody to answer them, or at least someone to help you to come to a conclusion. My head feels like it's going to blow up with all these thoughts. Partly because I don't think I want to accept it either.
